i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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