What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
