WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
