I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
