I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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