what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
