I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
