you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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