I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
