Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
