I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You took a bar mat shot.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to fling myself into the sun
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
