do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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