P.S. I can't hear my feet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
