The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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