I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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