She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
