I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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