Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
