Will you blow on my dice?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
