I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
