when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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