You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
3 2 1 whiskey
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
