i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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