Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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(816): View more from Missouri

I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy

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(530): View more from California

before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

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(309): View more from Illinois

ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.

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(347): View more from New York

He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?

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(614): View more from Ohio

If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.

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(309): View more from Illinois

We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.

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(347): View more from New York

Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes

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