now i know why i became what i already was.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
nutella sex= disaster
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
