i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
