Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
