I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
