I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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