Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
