This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
