I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
