When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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