After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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