i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The best revenge is premature balding
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
