I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
