Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
