Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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