I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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