Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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