First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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