yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
