covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
