in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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