You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
