So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
