Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
