I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
