I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
