fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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